Introduction:
Babies cry because they are born three months too soon.
Rhythmic, womb like sound, motion and tough triggers an automatic calm reflex.
Five Simple Steps (Five S’s):
Swaddling - snug, precise wrapping
Side / Stomach Position - never for sleep
Shushing - white noise
Swinging - tiny rhythmic, jiggly motions (1 inch back and forth)
Sucking = sucking a nipple or pacifier
Four principles of Baby Soothing:
The Missing fourth trimester
The Calming Reflex
The 5 S’s (do 3, 4 or 5 at the same time)
The Cuddle Cure
Botswanan moms carry infants in leather sacks for 24 hours per day, cuddling and bouncing as they walk. Nurse infants 50-100 times per day. No crying.
!Kung carry their babies in leather slings all day and sleep with them all night, breast-feed around the clock and respond to cries immediately- not much crying.
In Bali, babies don’t leave mom’s arms for first 4 months - used to being carried in womb for 24 hours, not just 12 hours. - 4th trimester experience, means no crying.
Each baby is an individual, with different preferences, but with practice you can discover the perfect mix and intensity of the 5 S’s your baby likes best.
By 4 months, your baby will be better at calming itself with cooing, moving and finger sucking.
Crying - Baby’s ancient survival tool:
Your baby’s cry makes you want to help.
At 3 months, baby will have different types of noises, but during first months only 3 simple sounds.
Whimper - A request. Mild unhappiness.
Cry - Good strong yelp summons attention. Distress.
Shriek - Emergency, like a smoke alarm. Could be from hunger, too cold, too hot or in pain.
Colic - baby cries for hours a day.
Baby average - 2.5 hours of crying per day at 2 months old.
Baby average - less than 1 hour at 3 months old.
Colic - 3 hours per day, 3 days per week for 3 weeks.
Do your best to soothe upsets - leaving baby to cry doesn’t work anymore. Actually, predictable repetition of your loving response is the key to building baby’s confidence. Including at night time.
Five possible causes of Colic:
Tummy ache
Bad bacteria or food allergy
Maternal Anxiety (fear or worry sensed from mom)
Brain Immaturity (over stimulation)
Challenging Temperment (over reactions)
Colic starts at 2 weeks, peaks at 8 weeks, ends at 3 months.
Colic worst at night - witching hour.
Colic often stops from vigorous rocking, holding, strong white noise (like car ride or vacuum cleaner).
Solving Tummy Troubles
Recommended to vigorously burp, give tummy massages, provide soothing teas for fussy babies… also nursing moms should avoid gassy foods.
Feed your baby sitting up.
Allow baby to stop meal and burp, they might over eat.
Use a good burping position.
Loosen bubbles when feeding by bouncing baby on lap and thump the back.
Help babies poop with bicycle motions, could be constipated.
Most common baby food allergies are cow’s milk and soy.
How Mom’s Anxiety can cause baby to cry:
Anxiety reduces breast milk supply
Distraught moms too distracted and emotionally spent to comfort infants
Mom’s lacking confidence to comfort baby with 5 S’s
Nervous moms impatiently jump from one calming method to another doing none successfully or fully.
Baby stimuli:
Baby doesn’t want peace and quiet, but babies love monotonous repetition.
Too much stillness drives babies more nuts than overstimulation.
Babies subjected to daily chaos of life, in the absence of calming rhythms are easily driven past their tolerance point, however.
May get overwhelmed (depending on temperament) by both chaos and unnatural stillness - need a balance. Hold, rock and suckle to provide repetitive, but not boring experiences that duplication sensations from the womb and trigger calming reflex.
Colic = (overstimulation + total stillness) - Rhythmic Calming / Temperament + Brain Maturity
Breast milk helps boost immunity, protects against obesity, reduces SIDS and even lowers a woman’s risk of breast and ovarian cancer.
Babies need 8-12 feedings per day in early weeks, but does not need to be every 2 hours all through the night. You need to preserve your health and sleep to help the baby. Go 4-5 hours without feeding at night, feed once, then sleep again.
Baby Reflexes:
Rooting - touch baby’s cheek, their head turns to find nipple when hungry. If they don’t respond, they aren’t hungry.
Stepping - Hold baby under armpits and let feet touch the floor, helps them shift position to prevent pressure sores.
Grasp - Press fingers into baby’s palm, helps them learn to grasp and hold things.
Moro - Feeling of falling when on your back.
Calming - Requires womb simulation… jiggling, swinging, shushing, tightness - 5 S’s.
10 ways to impersonate Uterus:
Holding baby
Dancing
Rocking
Swinging
Swaddling
Feeding
White Noise
Singing
Pacifiers
Smart Sleepers
1st S: Swaddling
Wrapping imitates the continuous touch and snug cuddling of the womb. Skin-to-skin is also great for soothing babies.
Baby struggling doesn’t mean baby needs or wants hands free, they will fight the swaddling at first.
1st 10 times you practice, do it when baby is calm or asleep, not when thrashing about.
Touch is our most ancient calming sense.
Wrapping does not quiet fussing, it prepares the baby for soothing with the other S’s, but alone rarely turns on the calming reflex.
SIDS prevention recommends swaddling for up to first 6 months.
Must always be done correctly to avoid overheating, stomach sleeping, loose blankets and tightness around hips.
Keep baby’s room at 68-72 degrees.
No hats, they slip over the face and can overheat or suffocate.
Hip-healthy swaddling holds the arms sung, but allows the knees to bend and hips to flex and open.
2nd S: Side/Stomach
Back position can set of Moro Reflex - give baby panicky feeling of falling. Back sleeping necessary for sleeping still.
3rd S: Shushing
Sounds like womb. White noise.
4th S: Swinging
Motion may need to be vigorous at first (fast, tiny jiggles… no more than 1” back and forth), then move to gentle rocking.
Bouncy seats, car rides, swings, slings good too.
5th S: Sucking
DUDU Wrap (Down, Up, Down, Up):
1. Place a light cotton blanket on your bed (44” x 44”) and orient it like a diamond, with a point at the top.
2. Fold the top corner down. The top point should end up near the center of the blanket.
3. Place your baby on the blanket, her neck right above the edge of the top fold.
4. Hold the baby’s right arm straight at the side.
5. DOWN - Pull the blanket snuggly down and across the baby’s body. Tuck it under the baby’s left buttock. It will look like ½ of a V-neck sweater.
Next, grab the free blanket beside her left shoulder. Tug it firmly away from her body to remove any slack.
The baby’s right arm should now be straight and snug by the baby’s side. This first DOWN is key to swaddling, do it snuggly or the whole wrap will unravel.
6. UP - Hold the left arm down at the baby’s side, bring the bottom point of the blanket straight up and place it at the baby’s left shoulder. Tuck the blanket snugly around the left arm.
Grab the blanket next to the left shoulder and pull it straight out away from the body to remove any slack.
NOTE: The blanket should be loose around the legs, but the arms should be very snug and straight.
7. DOWN - Grab the blanket a few inches from the left shoulder and pull it down, just a smidge. The small flap should come down to the upper chest to form the other half of the V-neck.
Lightly press the smidge against the breastbone, like you’re holding down a ribbon while making a bow.
8. UP - Holding the smidge on the chest, grab the last free blanket corner and pull it straight out away from the body to remove any slack. Then in one smooth motion, lift that corner up and straight across the baby’s forearms like a belt. The blanket should be big enough to go around the body, then, snug it and tuck it into the front of the belt, going up and across the left shoulder.
Note: Don’t let the blanket touch the baby’s cheek - or it can make the rooting reflex.
Note; By four or five months, your baby will be able to smile, push themselves up, roll over and will no longer need swaddling to stay calm.
Side/Stomach:
TECHNIQUES:
Place the baby’s cheek in your palm, roll the baby to rest the chest and stomach against your forearm, then jiggle the baby up and down like a car going over cobblestones.
Always place baby on back when not in your arms.
Carrying babies for 3 hours per day (in mom’s arms or a sling) reduces fussing by 43%.
Make sure slings are not too deep, you need to be able to see the baby’s face so they don’t suffocate.
Reverse Breast-Feeding Hold:
1. With your baby lying on his back (swaddled is best), place your palm on the front of his diaper.
2. Roll him on to your forearm, so his stomach rests against your arm and bring him into your chest.
Football Hold:
With your baby lying on her back (swaddled if fussy), place your hand on her chin - your thumb on one cheek and your other fingers cradled against her other cheek and temple - supporting the head like a chin strap.
Gently roll onto your forearm, snugly cushioning her chest and stomach against your arm. Let her rest in the palm of your hand and outstretched fingers, her groin will be near your elbow while her legs will dangle, straddled over your arm.
Over-the-Shoulder Hold:
Simply lifting a baby to an upright position can have a strong, soothing effect.
Hoist your fussy baby up onto your shoulder.
Let the weight of his body press his stomach against your shoulder.
Note: Don’t let baby side sleep when bed-sharing. High risk of SIDS.
SHHHHH
Place mouth next to ear and SHHHH to match volume of baby’s cries.
Note: Don’t use white noise all day long. Baby needs to hear home sounds for many hours per day to help them master the nuances of all interesting sounds around them, such as speech, music and so forth.
All white noise sounds - wave, rain, nature sounds - work equally well.
Continuous sounds like hair dryers or rain are more effective.
Use sound for all naps, all nights, for at least the first year to help your baby sleep longer and better.
Swinging
LIfe was so rich in the womb, when mother moves, you swing with the movement.
Even adults are lulled by the hypnotic motion of a swing, hammock or train.
Top 10 Swinging Movements:
Baby Slings
Dancing with baby, quick little moves
Rhythmic pats on the back or bottom
Bouncing on the edge of the bed
Rocking in a chair
Car rides
Infant swings
Bouncing on an exercise ball
Brisk Walks
Jiggly smart sleepers
Bonus 11: The Milk Shake - Sit with baby on lap. Place one hand under baby’s chin like helmet strap. Lean baby forward and lift, then bound up and down like mixing a milk shake.
Bonus 12: Jell-o Head - Place on lap, SHHH, wiggle knees back and forth to make the head quiver between loosely cupped hands.
Bonus 13: Windshield Wiper - Swaddle. Feet flat on floor. Place baby on the side and groove between the legs. His cheek and head will be in your palm. Slide your other hand under his head so your two hands overlap and his head is cradled in a loose, open grasp. Now swing knees side-to-side like a windshield wiper, faster if crying. Give pacifier. Motion comes from the feet, not the shoulders or hips.
3 Keys to Swinging:
1. Start out fast and jiggly, small trembly moves - 1-2 inches.
2. Let the head jiggle more than the body.
3. Follow your baby’s lead.
Note: Never shake or jiggle your baby when you are angry, out of patience or super tired.
Tricks for the swing:
Don’t put baby in when they are screaming.
Swaddle.
Recline the seat as much as possible.
Use white noise.
Use the fast speed.
Ask doctor first if baby is old enough.
Jiggle the back seat if baby is fussy. 1” back and forth.
Always support the head and neck.
Sucking:
New babies grow so fast they need a milky meal 8-12 times per day.
Like meditation, paci sucking lowers the heart rate, blood pressure and stress levels. Can also lower risk of SIDs.
Don’t push paci into mouth when baby is already crying, calm first, then give pacifier.
Baby will drop pacifier until you build sucking strength.
Lightly tug it back away from baby as if you’re trying to take it out. After a few times, your baby will resist these little pulls and suck harder.
Rinse it when it falls on the floor.
If you remove the binky, baby will likely move to the thumb, which is more likely to cause serious orthodontic and speech problems.
Avoid all bottles and pacifiers until breast feeding is going well.
Once breast feedin gis going well, give only one bottle per day - need to do this to help baby learn to take a bottle from another caregiver.
If you wait longer than 4 weeks to introduce the bottle, the baby will reject the bottle. Don’t skip more than 1-2 bottle days.
Moms who gave newborns a pacifier were more successful at breast feeding.
Wean this habit around 6-7 months. Never allow them to have it past 9 months.
Increasing number of babies suffocate when sleeping in parents bed.
When baby roots - offer feeding.
Most babies need more than two S’s to calm. 3-4 for cranky kids.
If feeding, holding and skin-to-skin don’t calm, go to the 5 S’s.
Two great soothing techniques are massage and walks outside.
Massaged babies have higher IQs than those who just had normal handling.
Babies massaged for 15 mins per day cried less, gain weight better and were more alert / socially engaged.
Outside walks lull babies, provide new sensations, offer multisensory sound. Can help lift you and your baby’s spirit and provide a sense of peace. Some babies fuss, because they are bored at home.
90% of colic is due to food issues.
If constipated dilute organic adult prune juice into formula 1-2 times per day.
Also use bicycle legs and massage booty to help avoid constipation.
Call a doctor if no poop in 3 days.
Chamomile, peppermint, dill and fennel tea can help soothe a baby’s tummy troubles.
Babies average 16 hours per day of sleep, broken into snippets in first months.
Nurse your baby 10-12 times per day.
Always wake a sleeping baby:
Wake the baby for 5-10 seconds with a slight jostle or tickle, to teach them to self-soothe themselves back to sleep.
Letting your baby scream themselves to sleep is like ignoring your car alarm until the battery dies.
75% of babies fall asleep from nursing.
Weaning babies from the 5 S’s:
Swinging: 3-4 months. Move to non-swinging bassinet or crib.
Swaddling: 4-5 months. First do 1 arm out, much easier to wean swaddling with white noise on.
Sucking: 6-7 months.
Same room sleeping: 6 months (start using nursery for naps at 5 months, then transition to full night sleep in nursery at 6 months).
No shared bed for first 9-12 months.
SHHH: 12 months, or later. Adults use white noise.
Night Time Feeding:
Wake baby for a dream feed between 10 PM - Midnight.
Respond to nighttime cries with a few minutes of holding or a diaper change before feeding.
Play, then eat, then sleep - cycle.
At 1 month, carry baby during the day to help him learn difference between day and night.
Feed during the day every 90 - 120 minutes.
Wake if napping for 2 hours, then play and feed.
Feed in a quiet room to avoid distractions.
Then turn on white noise after feeding, turn lights down…. 20 minutes before naps and bedtime to show baby sleepy time is coming. Helps baby learn to self-soothe.
Low lights, soft white noise, toasty baths, loving massages with warm oil, yummy milk, cozy swaddle and soft lullaby.
NOTE: Don’t nurse abies on a couch or arm chair, 50% of moms will fall asleep and can drop baby or baby can suffocate. Baby must sleep on back.
NOTE: Breastfeeding reduces SIDS by 50%.
Keep house at 68-72 degrees.
No hats or overdressing.
No pillows, toys, stuffed animals, loose bedding or thick blankets under the baby.
Practice supervised tummy time.
Don’t let your baby sit up in a car seat.
2 weeks of 6 hours of sleep or less is the same as being legally drunk. NEED TO SLEEP
No bed sharing with animals.
Put ointment on baby’s bottom at bedtime to protect skin from middle of night pee or poop.
If ears are warm or red, baby is too hot.
Always make sure you can see baby’s face.
10 Key Tips for New Parents:
1. Trust yourself
2. Lower expectations
3. Accept all the help you can get
4. Get your priorities straight (tell people you just had a baby and are swamped - they will get it)... take naps.
5. Be flexible - or die!
6. Know yourself - if you are in a bad mood, be careful with baby.
7. Don’t rock the cradle too hard - watch yourself for frustration with baby.
Lighten your workload if near breaking point.
Get help from family.
Do something physical to vent energy.
8. Keep your sense of humor
9. Take care of your spouse
Don’t take your partner for granted and never go to bed angry.
Have some fun together, go on dates.
Spousal support is best predictor of breast feeding success and avoiding depression
10. Don’t ignore depression
Can be made worse from sleep deprivation
Depression is a medical illness and affects up to 50% of moms (please reach out for help!)